[Created by CHINIE H. DIAZ for Rappler.com]
“A narcissist can be hard to identify, in part because he is likely to be much more fascinating than you would expect for someone so self-absorbed, and in part because you wouldn’t think someone with such self-regard could be so defensive and needy.”
– Carl Vogel, in Pyschology Today
Narcissism (as a personality disorder) is also a lot more complex than we realize. Apparently it goes far beyond just the obvious manifestations of a desperate need for validation and admiration.
This is pretty interesting article. If you guys want to know if someone is a narcissist, here are the signs:
[Everything is courtesy of Rappler.com]
1. You’re a Rotten Listener
Narcissists tend to be very one-sided when it comes to discussions. And the one side they focus on, of course, is theirs. All conversations center on “me, me, me.” Instead of seeking to understand or respond, narcissists “dismiss, negate, ignore, minimize, denigrate or otherwise render irrelevant other people’s concerns.” (Source here)
2. You put other people down to make yourself look better.
Dr Craig Malkin calls this “projected feelings of insecurity” and explains that “narcissists say and do things, subtle or obvious, to make people feel less smart, less accomplished, less competent.”
3. You think rules don’t apply to you.
Narcissists tend to believe that because they’re so special, they’re above the rules and conventions that apply to regular folks. They also hate feeling controlled in any way, so rules (or even worse, commands) are either ignored, or result in irritation, resentment or anger.
4. You can’t handle criticism.
“Narcissists paradoxically manifest an inflated idea of their own importance, yet are quick to feel deflated by negative feedback. In addition, because they think everything is about them, they hear others’ attempts to talk about personal feelings as veiled criticisms of themselves.” – Psychology Today
As far as narcissists are concerned, they are never to blame when something goes wrong. Anything that threatens to puncture the bubble of their extreme specialness is considered the enemy, and any criticism (real or perceived) results in anger and finger-pointing.
5. You idol-worship.
According to Dr Malkin, a common but less recognized narcissistic tendency is the habit of putting people on pedestals. “The fact that no one can be perfect is usually lost on the idol-worshipping narcissist,” Malkin says. “The logic goes a bit like this: ‘If I find someone perfect to be close to, maybe some of their perfection will rub off on me, and I’ll become perfect by association.’”
6. You hide or lie about your childhood and family history.
“Narcissism seems to be born of neglect and abuse, both of which are notorious for creating an insecure attachment style. Insecurely attached people can’t talk coherently about their family and childhood; their early memories are confused, contradictory, and riddled with gaps. Narcissists often give themselves away precisely because their childhood story makes no sense, and the most common myth they carry around is the perfect family story.” – Craig Malkin
7. You have a desperate need to always be in control.
Narcissists feel the need to maintain a sense of perfect autonomy and a feeling of total independence. They hate having to admit that they can be affected by anyone or anything outside of themselves. This will sometimes manifest itself into a fear of showing emotions.